That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
