is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
