The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
