How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The beer is more important than you right now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
