i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
