i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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