She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
