Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
