We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
