that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
