OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
