he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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