ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
