i may or may not be watching the land before time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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