i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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