oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
