i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
