Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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