Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
