Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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