DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
