hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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