i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
