Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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