I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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