having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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