Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
