The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
