By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
