woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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