need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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