You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
