In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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