Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
