sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She bit a glass in half.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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