Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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