Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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