He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
