Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
