and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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