Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
