Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
