I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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