shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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