Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
