Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
