Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
