I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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