I faked an abortion last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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