Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
