if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
