there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
