I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
